1. |
Growing Up I Guess
03:30
|
|||
|
It seems like only yesterday
I was taking my first steps
Trying to discover my surroundings, not knowing what to expect
Fast forward a couple years later I'm still trying to find what purpose I serve in this stupid life
I don't want to go to Uni I don't wanna finish school
It's not that I'm lazy can't deal with the stress of it all
It's really overwhelming that I'm thrown into this life without guidance without the slightest clue on how to survive
Well I
Don't want to spend my days working at a job I hate
Don't want to buy a house I'll never be able to repay
Don't really feel like drowning in debt until I die
So tell me what the point is? Cause it doesn't seem all that appealing to me
I'll do it your way I'll have a dead end job
Contribute to society just like every other mindless head does
Live off grilled cheese and ramen in my tiny home
Repeat the same old cycle until I eventually grow old
Cop shit all the time for being late everyday
Although I don't really give a shit since I'm getting underpayed
If this is your idea of a life well you'll be happy to know that I'll gladly give you mine
Well I
Don't want to spend my days working at a job I hate
Don't want to buy a house I'll never be able to repay
Don't really feel like drowning in debt until I die
So tell me what the point is? Cause it doesn't seem all that appealing to me
Life isn't what you make it I don't think it will ever be
I'm not really smart I'm not that good at anything
If you don't have the money, there's not really a chance for you
So if you're broke like me well to be blunt, we're fucking screwed but
Don't want to spend my days working at a job I hate
Don't want to buy a house I'll never be able to repay
Don't really feel like drowning in debt until I die
So tell me what the point is? Cause it doesn't seem all that appealing to me
|
||||
2. |
||||
|
Most days I feel so alone
Hoping someone would just ask me how I'm doing
Most days I sit by the phone
Hoping someone would call but nobody ever does
I try to keep my feelings to myself
Nobody wants to be around someone whos always sad
I try to be somebody else
Hoping someone would just give me a chance
To show you that I'm not the person I was before
Do I have to change my skin to prove it
My arms have stopped bleeding for about a year now
Though I'm hoping my scars can be something you'll ignore
Poison runs through my veins
Though my attempts of self destruction weren't too diligent
I seem to be lacking pure thoughts in my wake
Though my attempts for self redemption remain sustained
Maybe I'm still the stupid girl
I want to understand the reasons for my flaws
Maybe I just love to be the one who hurts
Though my attempts of self diagnose will become
Something I never thought I'd see
Myself becoming the person I never wanted to be
Maybe I'm too weak to understand the problem I have come to be
Though I'm hoping my scars can be something you'll ignore
I'll expect another call when you're all dexed out
If you're a chemical imbalance then what am I?
When you're sober you can call me when you're in need of a friend
But if I die before you wake up then you'll finally understand
That you can throw me to the sharks but you'll never get the scraps
My life won't mean anything to me if it never meant anything at all
Though I'm hoping my scars can be something you'll ignore
|
||||
3. |
Copacetic
03:57
|
|||
|
I never was so copacetic
Something about me always seemed to be out of place
Slightly awkward, maybe difficult
I think of myself as just another grim mistake
Keep staring, at these empty picture frames
A constant reminder that my expiration date is overdue
Am I pretentious or inconspicuous?
Always blend with the crowd, I never stand out
I'm something less than ordinary
I don't need your reminders I know that I'm not original
I know that I'll always be second place
I'll be that girl that no one remembers that whatsername?
I don't believe that I am capable of great things
Maybe I was born to be a failure, to sink to the bottom
I don't believe that anyone will ever truly love me
Maybe I'll die alone and be forgotten how nice would that be?
I never stopped to ask my mind
What is it about me that makes me hate myself so much
Probably that I was born without a brain I make stupid mistakes and I never learn from them
I'm something less than ordinary
I don't need your reminders I know that I'm not original
I know that I'll always be second place
I'll be that girl that no one remembers that whatsername?
I don't believe that I am capable of great things
Maybe I was born to be a failure, to sink to the bottom
I don't believe that anyone will ever truly love me
Maybe I'll die alone and be forgotten how nice would that be?
|
||||
4. |
A Possibility
05:06
|
|||
|
Barely 16 years old and stuck in an endless cycle of being afraid of death
Yet wanting to die at the same time
I've never really been that good at anything
But I promise you that I'll try my best to be anything you want me to
If you could let your guard down just for a little while
I could show you I'm not as bad as everyone says I am
I know I've made some bad mistakes, just know that I'm trying to do the right thing
I spend most nights awake trying to think of ways I could be better for you
Watching these train carriages pass by
Those faces should be familiar but I don't seem to recognize
But I know those storms in your eyes
Fooling everyone while hiding behind your vacant smile
Maybe your walls are too high for me to climb for me to climb
A girl left bound and broken by everyone she touched
But after a couple times it didn't hurt all that much
I knew there was something about you that could fix my broken hands
But if I mess something up I'm just hoping you'll give me one more chance
If you could let your guard down just for a little while
I could show you I'm not as bad as everyone says I am
I know I've made some bad mistakes, just know that I'm trying to do the right thing
I spend most nights awake trying to think of ways I could be better for you
Watching these train carriages pass by
Those faces should be familiar but I don't seem to recognize
But I know those storms in your eyes
Fooling everyone while hiding behind your vacant smile
Maybe your walls are too high for me to climb
High for me to climb
|
||||
5. |
Hi There, I Want To Die
03:12
|
|||
|
How did I get here how did this happen
Not a grown up and still I want to end what hasnt even happened yet
Drowning in self hatred and profound misery
Experienced things I wouldnt wish upon my worst enemy
But still I try to be strong for the people that I love
a list that seems to be getting shorter by the second
I've been abandoned left and right for better options
But that's fine by me, I don't really like myself that much anyway
Isn't it fucked up that only see two options for me
Either die from someone else or swing from a tree
I've tried jumping off of bridges, but that only broke my bones
Who knew there could be more than just sticks and stones
I should be grateful for the life that my mother gave to me
Would you promise me that when I die you'll let her down gently
Tell her that I'm sorry for making her cry
But if my life ends with that at least we'll both be satisfied
My life's changing way too fast, Dad says get a job you can't live at home forever
But whatever?
Too bad I cant make a living off writing songs
It seems to be the only thing I'm slightly decent at? Oh who am I kidding?
Isn't it fucked up that only see two options for me
Either die from someone else or swing from a tree
I've tried jumping off of bridges, but that only broke my bones
Who knew there could be more than just sticks and stones
I should be grateful for the life that my mother gave to me
Would you promise me that when I die you'll let her down gently
Tell her that I'm sorry for making her cry
But if my life ends with that at least we'll both be satisfied
|
||||
6. |
The Day You Left
04:12
|
|||
|
I love the smell of a crackling fire on the first cold day of winter
How about you decide whether to watch the planes roll by
Parked outside the airport in your dads old pick up truck
Platonic conversation about what happens when we die
If I could wrap a plastic bag around my head
Just to keep me from being awake
So I could just hold you one last time
And I can't stay in one town for too long
Cause I might not make it home
Lately my thoughts are dreary
They're something that I can't uphold
Wishing there were some stupid way that I
Could hold your body close
Another pill for my broken body of insanity, one more before I can go
A vision of a perfect autumn day your eyes the colour of copper
But instead I'm stuck here in real life where your nothing but a memory in a picture frame
I've got a heart that's barely beating, but I guess thats nothing new
God, oh I miss those convervations about what happens when we die
If I could wrap a plastic bag aroud my head
Just to keep me from being awake
So I could just hold you one last time
And I can't stay in one town for too long
Cause I might not make it home
Lately my thoughts are dreary
They're something that I can't uphold
Wishing there were some stupid way that I
Could hold your body close
Another pill for my broken body of insanity, one more before I can go
I'm sick to death of everyone asking if I'm okay
I can assure you that I'm doing just fine, I mean I'm coughing up glass shards but
that's the normal thing for me
My face is turning a pale grey my eyes are so dry from vicious crying, they fell like razor blades
cutting these eyelids until theyre nothing but dark caves
I can barely leave our room, I'm sorry I meant my room I forgot that you were gone
The cup of coffee you left on your bedside table is still warm wish I could get high from the fumes
I know how pathetic that sounds but trust me I can barely function without him around
And I can't stay in one town for too long
Cause I might not make it home
Lately my thoughts are dreary
They're something that I can't uphold
Wishing there were some stupid way that I
Could hold your body close
Another pill for my broken body of insanity, one more before I can go
|
||||
7. |
Loose Ends
03:25
|
|||
|
All this small talk makes me want to put a bullet in my brain
I'm sick of hearing your pathetic voice, you pathetic excuse for
Someone I trusted, just another flaw I'll add to the list of things I hate about you
Just another date to cross off your calender
In your new york apartment while you are just
Spending all your days getting drunk off your face and waking up on the sidewalk
Waiting for me to come back
But you already know that I've given you one too many chances
My instincts are telling me to forget it
And tie up these loose ends
I won't let you take me down these dead ends anymore
How did it ever come to this? We thought that we could make it last at least for a little while
I guess it was nice while it lasted I guess I'll see you in December
At that christmas party both of our friends are throwing maybe I'll see you there
Just don't try to make amends
Cause you already know that I've given you one too many chances
My instincts are telling me to forget it
And tie up these loose ends
I won't let you take me down these dead ends anymore
You drive me insane but that doesn't mean I wish death upon you
You're a good guy in your own way
I know you have all these problems we've all got problems too
I'm sorry for the pain we put each other through
You already know that I've given you one too many chances
My instincts are telling me to forget it
And tie up these loose ends
I won't let you take me down these dead ends anymore
You already know that I've given you one too many chances
My instincts are telling me to forget it
And tie up these loose ends
I won't let you take me down these dead ends anymore
I won't let you take me down these dead ends anymore
I
|
||||
8. |
||||
|
You were lying down on your bedroom floor
Face down in a pile of dirty clothes
Had you been drinking from the night before
Desperately longing for a chance to drown all your problems
You've boarded the train that never stops
Driving around in circles until your madness gives out
Have you become the thing that scares you most?
Or is it that you're not really sure what you're capable of?
Have you ever wondered do you really mean anything to anyone?
Or are you just hiding the fact that you've been hurt?
Wear your favourite long sleeved shirt to hide your infected scars
Doing everything you can to shelter yourself from the world
Now it's finally time to stand upon the pedestal and use it to your advantage
Wear a necklace of rope and countdown the seconds before you end it
But do you realize that you can never come back from this
All your suffering will end and you'll be nothing but a memory I'll try to forget
I'm sorry that I didn't show up to your funeral
I didn't feel like staring at an empty casket
For so many hours while the ghost of you screaming at me
because I didn't try to save you
But I was drowning in your continental shelf
When I was around you wished I were someone else
If I could stick around would you make me regret it
How could I save you if I couldn't save myself
Have you ever wondered do you really mean anything to anyone?
Or are you just hiding the fact that you've been hurt
Wear your favourite long sleeved shirt to hide your infected scars
Doing everything you can to shelter yourself from the world
Now it's finally time to stand upon the pedestal and use it to your advantage
Wear a necklace of rope and countdown the seconds before you end it
But do you realize that you can never come back from this
All your suffering will end and you'll be nothing but a memory I'll try to forget
|
||||
9. |
||||
|
It all started about a year ago
I had so many friends, friends who I thought had my back
But that was a lie, I lost all of my friends due to a guy
Who wasn't worth it
In the process, I lost my best friend, the person who I loved the most
Its been a year and we don't talk anymore
Maybe she never liked me at all, maybe no one ever liked me at all
And now I have two friends who I hardly talk to
I'm pretty sure don't even like me
Here are the many reasons why I hate myself
I don't think I deserve to be alive
I've done so many shitty things that I think
I shouldn't be forgiven for
So please don't forgive me
I'm too fucking awkward to make any friends, people just think I'm weird or being a bitch
I'm sorry that wasn't my intention, I just don't know how to function around other people
A constant depressive state that kicks my ass, leaves people to become angry with me
For complaining about my first world life about how it sucks and that I want to die
I want to do so many things with my life, like start a band go on tour around the world
Everyone knows that I'm never going anywhere but thats fine by me maybe I could live off
centrelink until I'm fifty and die from a very poor diet
Here are the many reasons why I hate myself
I don't think I deserve to be alive
I've done so many shitty things that I think
I shouldn't be forgiven for
So please don't forgive me
Here's the thing, I'm not doing all that well
I've run out of people in my life to hurt
Maybe I brought all these things upon myself for being such a bad person
Am I really a bad person? I try so hard to be good to everyone
But that doesn't seem to be enough I think I could try to hang myself with these curtains
Here are the many reasons why I hate myself
I don't think I deserve to be alive
I've done so many shitty things that I think
I shouldn't be forgiven for
So please don't forgive me
|
||||
10. |
It Looks Sad
02:38
|
|||
|
I've barely left my room in about three years now
Constant uncomfortability, wasting away with suicidal thoughts on repeat
No one wanted to stick around, to deal with the aftermath
Of these battles with depressive demons always trying to bring me down
I've always hated who I was, always hated who I've been
Always hated the way I hurt the people who tried being there for me
I know I pushed you all away and I know that it's my fault
I didn't realize that I'd have no shoulder to cry on
I never listened to my instincts always
Let myself be used by people who I realize now never cared much for me
I guess I just liked the attention is that really such a bad thing?
I know I fucked up but if you'd let me I'd like to do the right thing
I've barely left my room in about three years now
Constant uncomfortability, wasting away with suicidal thoughts on repeat
No one wanted to stick around, to deal with the aftermath
Of these battles with depressive demons always trying to bring me down
And, sort myself out try to become a better person
Stop repeating the mistakes I always seem eager to make
Stop expecting everyone to feel sorry for me, I know I'm not the only person to be dealing with these things
I've barely left my room in about three years now
Constant uncomfortability, wasting away with suicidal thoughts on repeat
No one wanted to stick around, to deal with the aftermath
Of these battles with depressive demons always trying to bring me down
|
||||
11. |
If I Were To Disappear
05:25
|
|||
|
sitting on the edge of the world again
wondering what the asphalt feels like
watching the sunset, the beautiful colours something about it makes me feel at home
welcome home
a bottle of jacks in my hand and the cure for sadness in the form of suffering
nothing could be better than this
if you never hear from me again don't worry about it
chances are, you'll never see me again
don't come looking for me, i guarantee you won't like what you find
il be gone, oh il be gone
maybe you were right i am pathetic, insecure but more afraid of what i'll do to myself
mom and dad were right no more disappointing i'm so sorry for the pain i've caused
take another pill, watch my life just slip away
and i'm never going back
don't bother digging me a hole, just throw my body in the lake where I can hurt no one again
You can violate me all you want and take my innocence i never needed it anyway
I'm used to dealing with the numbness it brings it burns
You still haunt my nightmares, i can still feel your hands ripping me apart from the inside out
if you never hear from me again don't worry about it
chances are, you'll never see me again
don't come looking for me, i guarantee you won't like what you find
il be gone, oh il be gone
maybe you were right i am pathetic, insecure but more afraid of what i'll do to myself
mom and dad were right no more disappointing i'm so sorry for the pain i've caused
take another pill, watch my life just slip away
and i'm never going back
don't bother digging me a hole, just throw my body in the lake where I can hurt no one again
|
||||
12. |
Dear Jonny
02:03
|
|||
|
oh jonny i think you really suck
and even sometimes i really hate your guts
ill put up with your oddly musty farts
but il stick by you even when the times get tough
You smell like old cheese and old man feet you taste like a stripper that hasnt washed for weeks
But I probably dont care about that im kidding yes i do please take a shower you smelly ass
Oh jonny how I love you so
You're face reminds me of an elephants dirty butthole
Oh jonny how I hate to see you cry
Tears falling from your poo coloured eyes like mine
|
||||
13. |
What Are The Odds?
04:03
|
|||
|
You're the perfect colour to my black and white
The ray of sunshine to my dark skies
And I know that I may have thunderstorms
But I hope that, your hand will always be firmly placed in mine
You think that you have all these imperfections
You think that they'll make me love you a little less but i assure you, they really don't matter to me
No they really don't matter to me
I remember when we first met, we sat for hours by the lake
Had our first kiss, to the Love record by Angels and Airwaves
I never saw a future with anyone but with you I see so many possibilities
I've found the person I wish to spend the rest of my days with
You think that you have all these imperfections
You think that they'll make me love you a little less but I assure you, they really don't matter to me
No they really don't matter to me
We'll have a beautiful life together
Have one or two kids or maybe not
I know someday you'll die in the future
And that pains the fuck out of me
But I promise that when it happens
I'll plant a beautiful tree
Replace the leaves with photographs
Of our memories
Everyday, I'll sit under it and sing pathetic songs about how I miss you
But you didn't think they were so pathetic
I promise that even if we go our separate ways
That I will try to find a way to bring you back to me
Because you mean so much to me
Yeah you mean so much to me
|
||||
14. |
If I Had The Courage
03:33
|
|||
|
All these suicidal thoughts swimming through my head
At the best of times I wish that I was dead
And the worst part of it all is that I don't even know why
But I'm sick to death of my head falling in my hands all the time
A pathetic girl looking for a place to rest my head
I'm running out of options the future dont look so bright ahead
The asphalt looks so inviting to me so why can't I do it? What's stopping me?
There's a certain tightness in my chest
I can feel my anxiety swelling up again
And I'm still drunk from the words you said
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't
Sit on the edge of this bridge to pass the time
My family all hate me, my friends list has run dry
If I fall would that really be a bad thing?
I know that you would miss me but I can't take all this misery I'm sorry
Finally worked out your trend of smiles
I'll replay the possible outcomes of this trial
This time, I won't fail my peers again
When the said just end it because no one is going to miss you anyway
There's a certain tightness in my chest
I can feel my anxiety swelling up again
And I'm still drunk from the words you said
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't
|
||||
Ghosthread Adelaide, Australia
18 year old ukulele/guitar player providing you with poor quality songs that will either make you happy or make you want to die there's no in between.
Who even reads these things anyway?
If you like Ghosthread, you may also like:
A new EP of effervescent pop tackling universal anxieties from the buzzed-about young Bay Area artist.
go to album
Delicate, plangent singer-songwriter material that feels like its petals could fall at any moment.
go to album
Introspective, homespun folk tunes from John Donne that feel informed by the sugary bleakness of '80s and '90s indie pop.
go to album
Seawheel
by David Lonton-Baxter
”Seawheel Acoustic” delivers captivating melodies and heartfelt lyrics in songs that are equal parts soothing and enchanting.
go to album
Once Upon A Time In Montréal
by Murray A. Lightburn
The folk artist explores grief through these smooth and soulful tracks.
go to album
Hushed and riveting, the new LP from Ana Silvera centers her expressive voice against quietly glowing guitars.
go to album
The new EP from Steve Gunn pairs the guitarist with Mdou Moctar, Circuit des Yeux, Bing & Ruth, and more for five evocative songs.
go to album
